Why I'm Not Fun, And Why I Plan to Stay That Way

One of the reasons why I was able to buy a house while at the same time making virtually no money is because I'm not fun. I don't do stuff. What kind of stuff? You know, the things that people do. Going out. I'm not really even sure what going out is, and can only conclude that it must be some kind of fertility ritual.

Me, I prefer to do things that don't cost anything, because spending money makes me die inside. I'm not being melodramatic - seriously, if you try to wrest a $10 bill from my clammy old paws, I'll go all Travis the Chimp on you.

Here's a short list of things I might find fun on a Saturday night:

1. Watching The Cheese Nun.

2. Putting together giant floor puzzles of the Western Reserve.

3. Drinking gin alone in a dark corner.

4. Thinning the radish patch.

5. Putting stuff on my cat, like socks or old takeout menus.

Not being fun has served me awfully well in life, and if you are finding yourself strapped for cash, you might try it, too.