1,001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do
So I recently picked up a book called 1,001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do (Or Else They'll Never Leave Home) (sort of an odd subtitle, I think - how would #977: They need to learn how to pay their own auto insurance make them want to leave home?).
My intent was to make fun of it, of course, during my leisure time, but I figured I'd be doing so from the point of view of someone who thinks it's silly for parents to overschedule their kids' cultural learning opportunities.
Instead, it turned out to be a creepy conservative, tough-love-and-angry-Jesus kind of book.
Here are some highlights:
#125. They need to learn to wash their underwear, not wear their parent's.
#227. They need to form a well-read, well thought out opinion on evolution.
#362. They need to understand global warming better than most congressmen.
#887. They need to learn how to clean a carpet stained by Coke, blood, tea, or a pet. Apartment deposits are lost over this.
#890. They need to be on a first name basis with someone at Home Depot.
#929. They need to learn that even though crystal meth is often found at dance clubs and parties [editor's note: is it??], not to touch the stuff unless their goal is to live in a trailer park.
My intent was to make fun of it, of course, during my leisure time, but I figured I'd be doing so from the point of view of someone who thinks it's silly for parents to overschedule their kids' cultural learning opportunities.
Instead, it turned out to be a creepy conservative, tough-love-and-angry-Jesus kind of book.
Here are some highlights:
#125. They need to learn to wash their underwear, not wear their parent's.
Read: No cross-dressing, Johnny.
#227. They need to form a well-read, well thought out opinion on evolution.
Read: As long as you read your Bible well, you won't have to think about evolution. [I just want to point out this one wasn't in the "They Need to be Good at Science" chapter.]
#362. They need to understand global warming better than most congressmen.
Read: uhhh.....
#887. They need to learn how to clean a carpet stained by Coke, blood, tea, or a pet. Apartment deposits are lost over this.
Read: Clean up your own crime scene, son. Daddy's not going to help.
#890. They need to be on a first name basis with someone at Home Depot.
Read: They need to support corporate America like a good Freedom Values Patriot.
#929. They need to learn that even though crystal meth is often found at dance clubs and parties [editor's note: is it??], not to touch the stuff unless their goal is to live in a trailer park.
Read: They need to form harmful stereotypes about people below them on the socioeconomic ladder.
posted by Christine Borne at 7:48 AM
3 Comments:
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hello PJR-
As per your request, I've deleted your comment. And left this one in its place.
First of all, I'm sorry about your friend. I'm assuming - maybe wrongly - that this friend is RG? If so, please give him my sympathies. Not to be glib, but I really wish my friend RA's husband would leave her; he's had the indecency to do all those things - rack up debt, be a general dickweed - without doing her the favor driving off a cliff. (In other words, your friend is better off. He might not know it now, but he will.)
I appreciate your concern. It's a really difficult decision, and we've spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of New York vs. Cleveland. In many ways, New York is a sinking ship too - a 15-minute thunderstorm last week crippled the entire subway system. What if it was a hurricane? Or global warming? Personally, I'd rather get off this boat and get onto a cheaper one. We know about the crime, the foreclosures, etc. We know about the corrupt city government. So on some counts, people might think we're incredibly stupid or naive for coming back, but for us at least, the benefits of Cleveland outweigh the many, many problems. There are green spaces, there's the lake, you can still rent an apartment for $500, there are places I love like the West Side Market, and there are my friends, some of whom have children who barely know me, because I've been gone.
But that's me. I've spent a lot of time mentally preparing myself for what I might find. If you feel bad about Cleveland, I feel your pain, and I think you should leave. It's just not worth it to stay someplace at the expense of your mental well-being. I personally think you might be happier out west somewhere - Montana or Idaho or someplace with lots of wide open spaces.
If you think I am full of shit you can just tell me to smeg off.
Anyway, I hope you are doing well. And I wish you the best of luck, too.
First, congratulations. Remember to communicate and the best of luck to you both. (I distinctly remember telling you, though, to find someone named "Again", and to hyphenate. World's not perfect for a pun aficionado, I guess)
Second, I'm quite cheerfully smegging off. :)
Third, give "RA" my best. Or your best, or whosever's the best is. I'm still a "cynical realist", but at least I'm a happy one. I only post this and borrow more of your time because I just got a Reunion notice, the third in two weeks, of a certain "RA" changing her profile, and I think back to a certain time at a certain school in a certain office when she was crying and really needed a hug but I was too hung-up at the time to administer one. (I doubt she even remembers that situation, but it's one of those Moments that stays with you) You can tell her I still feel kinda bad about that, if you'd like. Nobody should ever have to go unhugged.
Oh yeah, fourth, yes your assumption is correct, and a healthy dose of communication and co-understanding mended their situation. Fortunately for him (them), they learned it in time. And don't worry, even as bad as it got, he knew how bad it could be...
I was thinking more along the lines of Oregon or maybe B.C.. Everyone I deal with in that area is just so mind-bogglingly nice that I think I could live there. The weather is good, too.
On the other hand, there's a good and growing Libertarian movement in the Florence-Cincinnati-Dayton axis. Many of my friends there happen to be politically involved. Plus, I was driving through Cincy some years ago, saw some graffiti that said, I think, "HABEAS CORPUS 1305-2001" and I thought, I could really like it here...
Guten abend.
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