Nerd Alert

I'm about to discuss Doctor Who, so those of you with an image of me prancing out of my Williamsburg loft to eat cupcakes and listen to warbling emo bands with dirty goatees at the Pink Pony should look away now, lest you be disappointed.

If David Tennant leaves, I'm going to be really pissed. I'm already disappointed by the loss of Billie Piper, who was arguably my favorite companion since Sarah Jane. And come on! The doctor can only regenerate 12 times, and we all remember the hideous beast the Master became when he tried to thwart the course of nature.

Meat Shakes

My dad may not have wisdom teeth but he sure is wise. Here is some of his advice, which will surely be found by future googlers of "wisdom teeth + advice" and "what to eat after wisdom teeth pulled":

And using the blender to soften up your food to ensure that you eat a balanced diet certainly will do no harm. Certainly you could use better cuts of beef to make stew in which the meat would be tender, but you have to buy good cuts, chuck will not work if you need tender, because it may or may not be.

This is why you should listen to your parents, folks, because they have your best interests at heart.

Proof That I'm Cleveland Through and Through

After an entire week of liquids only, the first solid food I was able to eat was.....

A pierogi.

Meet Gummy Softpaw

I think one of the worst feelings is being hungry but unable to eat. I did have the old wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, despite the extreme disorganization of the establishment I went to (uhh, when I asked the girl at the desk if it was normal for them to schedule three appointments at the exact same time, she said "yes" like there wasn't anything really dysfunctional about that). The surgeon himself was fantastic; I would've put his picture on my Christmas cards if he hadn't been a Muslim. He was too good, however, for the certain scamtastic dental franchise from Spain whose name shall not be spoken here.

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about the following things:

1. Pizza. Really salty, saucy, cheesy pizza. Chef Boyardee, even.
2. BLT's, for some reason.
3. Chicken vindaloo. Or maybe tandoori duck.
4. Ravioli. Oh God, fried ravioli.
5. Bagels. Stiff, chewy bagels, the kind I haven't been able to eat for the last year, since my wisdom teeth have been bothering me.

To make matters worse, I also have a six-pack each of difficult-to-obtain-out-here Great Lakes Christmas Ale and Edmund Fitzgerald just sitting on the living room floor, mocking me, saying "can't drink us with your vicodin, now can you?" While I choke down green jello and SlimFast.

When our cat bites us or scratches us, which is fairly often, we tease her about having all of her teeth and claws removed: "you'll just be an old Gummy Softpaw then, won't you?" It's struck me that I have become Gummy Softpaw.

Sorry if this is at least somewhat incoherent. I asked Jim to keep me away from the Internet while I'm hopped up on vicodin. But he's not here, and it looks like he forgot to chain me to the couch. Huzzah!

Countdown to Wisdom

For those who care about such things, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow. Well, just two of them - I'm not convinced that the removal of teeth that aren't bothering you is really necessary. Mostly, people have told me "this really isn't a big deal" or "this really is a big deal" so I'm not sure what to expect. It's not so much the cracking and carnage I'm opposed to, it's the inability to eat anything for perhaps a week afterward. I had a minor oral surgery a few years ago, at which I was assured, "you'll be back to normal in a couple of days." A month later, I was still doing this unnatural, tilted back, throwing the food down my throat maneuver.

Oh well. I'm trying to be pretty fatalistic about it. And anyway, if I get permanent facial paralysis, I'll take comfort in the fact that I never was much of a smiler to begin with.

Where's the Goetta

I seem to have picked up a lot of traffic today from a mention on Not Martha. Hello! At left is a picture of goetta (clockwise from top: goetta, apple cider donut from Delicious Orchards, fruit salad). You have to eat it. One can only imagine how much better of a trip Alton Brown would have had if he'd just stopped in southwest Ohio rather than eating that nasty brain sandwich in Indiana.