Meet Gummy Softpaw
I think one of the worst feelings is being hungry but unable to eat. I did have the old wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, despite the extreme disorganization of the establishment I went to (uhh, when I asked the girl at the desk if it was normal for them to schedule three appointments at the exact same time, she said "yes" like there wasn't anything really dysfunctional about that). The surgeon himself was fantastic; I would've put his picture on my Christmas cards if he hadn't been a Muslim. He was too good, however, for the certain scamtastic dental franchise from Spain whose name shall not be spoken here.
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about the following things:
1. Pizza. Really salty, saucy, cheesy pizza. Chef Boyardee, even.
2. BLT's, for some reason.
3. Chicken vindaloo. Or maybe tandoori duck.
4. Ravioli. Oh God, fried ravioli.
5. Bagels. Stiff, chewy bagels, the kind I haven't been able to eat for the last year, since my wisdom teeth have been bothering me.
To make matters worse, I also have a six-pack each of difficult-to-obtain-out-here Great Lakes Christmas Ale and Edmund Fitzgerald just sitting on the living room floor, mocking me, saying "can't drink us with your vicodin, now can you?" While I choke down green jello and SlimFast.
When our cat bites us or scratches us, which is fairly often, we tease her about having all of her teeth and claws removed: "you'll just be an old Gummy Softpaw then, won't you?" It's struck me that I have become Gummy Softpaw.
Sorry if this is at least somewhat incoherent. I asked Jim to keep me away from the Internet while I'm hopped up on vicodin. But he's not here, and it looks like he forgot to chain me to the couch. Huzzah!
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about the following things:
1. Pizza. Really salty, saucy, cheesy pizza. Chef Boyardee, even.
2. BLT's, for some reason.
3. Chicken vindaloo. Or maybe tandoori duck.
4. Ravioli. Oh God, fried ravioli.
5. Bagels. Stiff, chewy bagels, the kind I haven't been able to eat for the last year, since my wisdom teeth have been bothering me.
To make matters worse, I also have a six-pack each of difficult-to-obtain-out-here Great Lakes Christmas Ale and Edmund Fitzgerald just sitting on the living room floor, mocking me, saying "can't drink us with your vicodin, now can you?" While I choke down green jello and SlimFast.
When our cat bites us or scratches us, which is fairly often, we tease her about having all of her teeth and claws removed: "you'll just be an old Gummy Softpaw then, won't you?" It's struck me that I have become Gummy Softpaw.
Sorry if this is at least somewhat incoherent. I asked Jim to keep me away from the Internet while I'm hopped up on vicodin. But he's not here, and it looks like he forgot to chain me to the couch. Huzzah!
posted by Christine Borne at 12:26 PM
5 Comments:
May you recouperate speedily...
...I'll down a Great Lakes for you :-)
I had my wisdom teeth taken out before the internet. All I did was sit aroun, watch TV and eat milkshakes (with a spoon - not a straw) for a week.
Then I tried to play my saxophone. Bad move!
ok - i don't know where i got the idea that i'd be back to normal in a day or two. i'm afraid there won't be any christmas dinner for me! besides being in pain - sorry, "mild to moderate discomfort" - my face is swollen and i'm realizing, with horror, that a giant purple bruise the entire length of my jawbone is forming. oh, and my fears of the dreaded dry socket!
You can gnaw on the fact the new Harry Potter title has been released.
Vicoden is so much more enjoyable after a few beers. If you can stay awake.
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