Christmas List
According to Wikipedia, Santa doesn't exist, so I'm going to ask the universe for some things for the upcoming year.
Dear Universe,
I would like the following:
1. A job opportunity outside the NYC area. Please make it in an office-type setting where I work independently on finishable projects and don't interact with too many people. Please make my coworkers all at least ten years older than me. If this last part is not possible, I'll settle for five.
2. A place to live where the walls (and floors, Universe, and doors too) are thick, the rooms are cozy, and the building is largely unoccupied.
3. The type of neighbors who own (and read) books and have large enough vocabularies that they do not, in everyday conversation, need to insert variations on the "f#@k" and "sh**" theme, where a more educated person might insert "indubitably" or "soporific."
3a. Families are OK, generally, because they go to bed at respectable hours. Decent families, that is. Keep this in mind, Universe.
4. Writing-for-pay opportunities.
5. Socks.
Thank you in advance,
Your friend,
CB.
Dear Universe,
I would like the following:
1. A job opportunity outside the NYC area. Please make it in an office-type setting where I work independently on finishable projects and don't interact with too many people. Please make my coworkers all at least ten years older than me. If this last part is not possible, I'll settle for five.
2. A place to live where the walls (and floors, Universe, and doors too) are thick, the rooms are cozy, and the building is largely unoccupied.
3. The type of neighbors who own (and read) books and have large enough vocabularies that they do not, in everyday conversation, need to insert variations on the "f#@k" and "sh**" theme, where a more educated person might insert "indubitably" or "soporific."
3a. Families are OK, generally, because they go to bed at respectable hours. Decent families, that is. Keep this in mind, Universe.
4. Writing-for-pay opportunities.
5. Socks.
Thank you in advance,
Your friend,
CB.
posted by Christine Borne at 2:12 PM
5 Comments:
I don't know what those words mean. I'm a product of Cleveland Public Schools.
Sounds like you want to come back home...
...will SOMEONE get this woman a job?!
I am still intent on supporting you for mayor in 2012 :-D.
Come on back! Everybody loves a parade. You'll be an Ohio housewife and soccer mom in no time.
That's what every girl wants, right?
Lady - don't worry, I don't think I could define soporific off the top of my head either. And indubitably I only know because of the old Crispy Critters breakfast cereal ad! I think if my christmas-wish neighbors own a dictionary that will be good enough. I'm willing to bet you own a dictionary. Do you need a neighbor? :)
Derek - I am a really unfriendly, non-people person who has an alarming ability to pick fights I shouldn't be picking. No way I could really run for mayor (or could I...?) I do want a job though. Someplace where they appreciate my midwestern crustiness....
UL: ha ha ha. Ohio is a blue state now. soccer moms will be outlawed shortly, just you watch! besides, i would never let my cat play soccer - it's so common. she knows she can pick squash, water polo, or fencing, that's it. (ps, you're not in ohio right now, are you?)
I never got the impression that you liked going to work, being a non-people person and all. And women in the midwest don't have to work; one income is sufficient to live in a nice house with a white picket fence.
Isn't that why you're moving to Ohio? I mean, there's lots of peace and quiet there. Nice families with midwestern family values that go to bed early, sit on their front porches, watch their corn grow, your kind of people, right?
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