Wednesday Whines

Among my guiltiest pleasures are Monday Moaning and recently, Audient's Tuesday Talkback. I love Clevelanders' ability to turn anything into a complaint.

So in the spirit of fun (and to give my far-flung friends and relatives something to look forward to), I've decided to start Wednesday Whining. (I think Eric Broder used to do this in the Free Times of old, once in a while. I miss that.) Set in the fictional city of Leaveland, Mohio, Wednesday Whining will feature a bunch of silly complaints and one real one (mine). See if you can guess which one is real.

• My beef is with these cereal companies. Who's to say I want it to stay crunchy in milk? I can't be the only person on earth who likes soggy bran flakes. -- Little Llubljana

• When I was a kid, crows used to be a lot smaller. What's happened to them?? Now I always feel like I have to worry when I put Puddles out on the lawn that some crow is going to fly off with him. -- Oldville Heights

• Hey, ADM, you've been showing us those stupid commercials for years now about how great you are for developing biofuels. If you're really "making progress", how come I still can't get corn gas at the pump?? --NoHopA

• I'm sick of getting stuck on the sidewalk behind slow-moving women who insist on wearing flip flops and other improper footwear. Put on a decent pair of shoes, honey, and get out of my way! --New York City

• How come you never see animals mating on nature shows anymore? Has the religious right taken that away from us too? Let go of PBS, Pat Robertson and company - I need my fix of kangaroo penises! -- Flakewood