Queen of the Bondo

Last night I had a dream that I was in this hipster food co-op with my friend Mark and Bridget Callahan. It was the day before Christmas and there were a million people in the co-op buying organic sustainable fruit baskets and fair-trade finger puppets from Guatemala. The place was just about to close, and everyone was getting in line, kind of like the scene in A Christmas Story when Higbee’s is about to close and all the kids are getting in line to see Santa.

Anyway, I got up to the front of the line with my purchases. But for some reason I was also trying to rent a VHS cassette — I think it was a Bollywood film. The hipster at the cash register got real mad because I wasn’t already in the system. Then the following exchange took place:

Me: What are you so grumpy about? (ha! Like I should ever ask anyone that)

Hipster: Just typical postmodern Midwest anger.

Me: OK. Merry Christmas.

If you want to have dreams like this, I suggest eating the wild mushroom pizza at Carrie Cerino’s before bed. By the way, this hipster looks a lot like the guy from the Strokes, only with a soul patch, so if he shows up in your dreams punch him in the arm and tell him he’s a weenie.